Choices

I’ve been silent for a while. So forgive me, this is gonna start out a little cheesy. I have to get this out though and I don’t feel like I can any other way…

I feel like there comes a time in everyone’s life when they realize that they have to make a choice. Either work hard to maintain something or lose it. I’ve made the stupid choice of singing, for I don’t know how long so don’t ask, through or until my throat feels raw. Now the thing is, it’s not limiting my voice or preventing me from singing. I just feels raw and sore. This is sometimes happening even after talking for prolonged periods of time. This choice is stupid. Dumb. Way past idiotic. I mean really really stupid. And it took this long for that to hit me. Yeah…

I realized today, not for the first time, but it hit me hard today because auditions are coming up in two weeks for Mary Poppins,(More on that next time, I promise.) That if I continue like this, I could easily lose my ability to sing and perform. I could damage my vocal chords permanently. (Also I seem to have convinced myself that I kept thinking it was going away. That’s not true. I was ignoring it.) For someone like me, who has just made it into the Civic clique, who’s almost 18 and trying to move towards New York and a career in performing, that is a terrifying thought. And Mom, if you’re reading this, which I know you will, I didn’t tell you because I was afraid that you’d be angry with me. Yep, have I mentioned that I also have the emotion sharing skills of a five year old? It’s either that I say everything or nothing….

So. Yeah. The point is that I need to start actively taking care of my voice differently. Lots of tea and water. No more singing loudly in my bedroom without being properly warmed up, or at all for that matter. I think that just needs to stop in general. I need to look into some real vocal coaching, and lastly I need to rest my voice. For real. 

So, I’m sorry for coming back to my blog with a long feelings let out kind of moment and I’m not quite sure that I actually said anything….But, as usual.

Love to you all, as always,

Mae

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